Grief is a funny thing, isn’t it? You’re going about your day, whipping up a batch of cookies cause it’s a sunny Sunday afternoon in Fall and cookies, much like Paris, are always a good idea. And the next thing you know you have tears and snot running down your face and you have to rush to the bathroom to find tissue because not everyone likes salty with their sweet so it’s best to keep those things out of your batter.

I’m a little surprised by the sudden, at least that’s how it felt at the time, upwelling of so much emotion. I started wondering if it was something I had been listening to on Super Soul Sunday, because you know, Paris, cookies, Oprah…anyway that wasn’t it. It never is, is it? It’s never the literal thing in the moment that the emotional reaction is about, it’s a purging of emotion that’s been waiting patiently for our time and attention, but there’s gotten to be too much and there’s no more room in the container where you’ve been sequestering the grief and some of it’s just got to come out. Kinda like when you have a pot of tomato sauce simmering on the stove but the heat’s just a little too high and you get these mini volcanic eruptions when a bubble has to get out of the pot.

What this is really about is that I’m still grieving. Just the recognition of that fact brings relief and some ease. Guess I wasn’t done yet. Guess that’s why I’ve been having trouble finding the inspiration and motivation to write in the last couple of days, or the inspiration and motivation to declutter the apartment or do the dishes and why I was so hard on myself for not accomplishing these things. And why I’m constantly going into the kitchen to look for something to eat.  I’m still grieving and that’s ok, that just means I need be a little gentler on myself and pay more attention to what I’m actually feeling, not what I should be feeling, or what I’d rather be feeling.

When you acknowledge your feelings in those moments, whatever those feelings are, they don’t need to escalate to Mount Vesuvius proportions in order to get your attention. Feel what you need to feel my loves, dig deep, keep asking why until you get to the real thing that’s trying to get your attention. Cause it’s never the surface thing, you’ve noticed that right?

So, if you need to grieve, grieve. Whether it’s a loss of a loved one, a divorce, a layoff, a presidential election, some combination of the above, grieve what you have to grieve now, because it won’t be any easier later. Oh, and don’t forget it’s a process, it may take a little while before you batters are completely safe but rest assured they will be at some point. Be kind, gentle and patient with yourself. It’ll be alright.

Peace,

Jane

P.S. cream cheese frosting on pumpkin spice cookies is delicious